The end of the year always puts me into reflection mode.
This year has been...well, it's really been so many different things. It started with anticipation and ended with anticipation with so many feelings and emotions sandwiched in the middle.
2014 has been amazing in so, so many ways.
Then, completely discouraging in a lot more soul searching, "what do I really believe" ways.
Sometimes it's so incredibly hard to feel the good parts of life when you're down in the mire.
Everyone loves to point out that we need to count our blessings, but sometimes you wonder how exactly you're supposed to do that.
I grew up ALWAYS looking for the silver-lining in situations and people.
But, sometimes life throws so much at you that it feels like you're drowning.
For Christmas my husband bought me some new Chuck Taylor's to replace my old worn out 20-year old pair. Though I'm super excited to have a new pair that will actually stay strapped on my feet and not let the elements in anymore. It made me think of everything those shoes and I have been through over the past 20 years. It's been a wild ride, and I've learned many valuable lessons in that time.
The most valuable lesson being: I'm really only interested in following God.
In some ways I wish I could go back to when my first Chuck's were new and tell myself "You would save yourself so much time and regret if you would just believe and follow God." (Not that I would've listened, my heart was no where near the right place for that.) But then I wouldn't have had the life experiences that lead me here either. There wouldn't be these specific kids, or this specific marriage, or most importantly this specific relationship with Jesus. So I guess I needed those 20 years in those Chucks to walk me right to where I am today.
I'm hopeful that when my new Chuck's wear out and I'm looking back in 2034 I'll understand why I had to go through the pains of the next 20 years and that I will find myself still faithfully following God above all else.
The most valuable lesson being: I'm really only interested in following God.
In some ways I wish I could go back to when my first Chuck's were new and tell myself "You would save yourself so much time and regret if you would just believe and follow God." (Not that I would've listened, my heart was no where near the right place for that.) But then I wouldn't have had the life experiences that lead me here either. There wouldn't be these specific kids, or this specific marriage, or most importantly this specific relationship with Jesus. So I guess I needed those 20 years in those Chucks to walk me right to where I am today.
I'm hopeful that when my new Chuck's wear out and I'm looking back in 2034 I'll understand why I had to go through the pains of the next 20 years and that I will find myself still faithfully following God above all else.
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